Friends

I'm blessed with some great friends and they put up so much from me. Lately however, I find myself wondering if I should back off from telling them things. I feel like I'm such a downer person, that my life has turned into a warning sign for others on how not to do things. Do I inflict that on other people or do I stay with superficial stuff? When is it okay to talk about what's actually happening and when is it not?

I have a friend who is/has gone through something truly terrible in their life and I tried to be there for them by doing what they wanted even if it's not being there for them. Sometimes this friend wants to be left alone and I respect that. I miss them terribly during these times but I do understand why they need to pull back and recharge themselves. Now though, I find myself wondering if they would be better off without me being their friend. What can I bring to this friendship? I honestly wait for them to realize one day that I'm a crappy friend and they would be better off without me in their life.

Is it just depression talking or is it reality setting in? I don't know...

Haunted

I find myself haunted by the things I need to decide on. I'm not talking about the big decisions like to stay or go and how but the little every day decisions. Like, do I spend the money on milk for the kids or hang on to it because I know my husband will want to eat out with his coworker? Or he's yelling at one of the kids and making the situation worse. Do I interfere with his parental authority or so I let him verbally harass and verbally abuse the kids? It seems simple when I write it down here but in the midst of everything, I doubt myself. I second guess and then try to figure out all the angles and consequences. It doesn't help and I wind up feeling like no matter what I do, I failed.

Now I have to make a big decision and I'm paralyzed. I wish that a miracle would happen and I wouldn't have to make it. Terribly unrealistic but I still wish.

Noly